The Hidden Cost of Saying "Yes": Is It Sabotaging Your Thyroid Health?
Why listening to your inner “no” is vital for real healing
Hello my Thyroid Friend,
For the last 8 years, it has been my mission to research, study, and be my own experiment when it comes to my thyroid health. (I never had any help whatsoever from doctors and so-called conventional ‘experts’ - in fact, their interventions made me worse! So, it was up to me to get myself better). I have tried all sorts of health hacks, diets, supplements, regimes, protocols - you name it!
As I looked deeper into health – real health – I began to look at case studies of radical cancer remissions and longevity.
The topic that intrigued me the most was the mind-body connection. All I’d ever heard of on this subject at that point were conditions being labelled psychosomatic, which I thought meant ‘it’s in their head, it’s not really there’ - I’ve seen it in TV shows and films, essentially implying that the person has lost their marbles. But when studying for my wellness coaching qualification, I came across the actual definition for psychosomatic:
‘A psychosomatic disorder is any physical condition that stress can help cause or make worse. Stress impacts our bodies in many ways and can affect several physical conditions, from heart disease to eczema. Stress management can go a long way to help manage psychosomatic disorders.’ - Cleveland Clinic
So, it doesn’t mean it’s all in their head. It means that stress has contributed to physical symptoms. The symptoms are very real.
We all hear ‘stress is bad for us’ all the time, yet our culture is built on stress, and even glorifies it through hustle culture. How many times have you seen a job description that says ‘must work well under high pressure and stress’. The societal message is: ‘If you’re not stressed, you’re not working hard enough’. Being stressed-out has become a badge of honour. Then to add to this, we are pummelled with distressing images throughout the news and media 24-7. Many people spend the majority of their days sedentary, staying indoors and getting no sunlight, and no interaction with nature. It’s not anyone’s fault – this is how our society has been designed. It hasn’t taken into account anyone’s health or well-being, only focusing on output and profit. People are treated like robots. And I soon realised, that my body does not respond well to this treatment!
So, back to the title of this piece, ‘The Hidden Cost of Saying "Yes": Is It Sabotaging Your Thyroid Health?’ Yes sounds like a pretty harmless word doesn’t it? But, if this word is frequently said when we actually mean no, then it can cause us stress and be a detriment to our physical health. I believe it was Dr Bruce Lipton that said ‘our bodies are a print-out of our subconscious mind’. They tell us things about ourselves and our lives that we aren’t consciously aware of.
Our bodies can reveal our deep truths – what do we want to say yes to at a deep soul level? And that do we want to say no to?
Dr Gabor Mate says that if we do not say no to things in our life (when deep-down we want to), our body will end up saying no for us in the form of disease.
Dr Bessel van der Kolk talks about how our body keeps the score - it remembers everything that has ever happened to us – and in this case, it remembers every time we said yes when we meant no – it absorbs the stress.
When we say yes when we mean no, it is a form of self-betrayal. We are putting the other person first over our needs. It sounds harsh, but it is a form of lying to ourselves. This is clearly going to put us under a lot of stress! As soon as I woke up to this realisation, I realised that this would be a key part in the healing puzzle.
If you look at kinesiologists, they test muscles based off very slight changes in the body. The practitioner will ask the patient to hold out their arm, then ask a yes/no question. They then apply some pressure to the patient’s arm. When the answer is a yes, the patients arm stays strong and integral. When the answer is a no, the patient’s arm lowers under the weight of the pressure. This is the same response with lying. When they get the patient to say ‘my name is [a name that isn’t theirs], the arm will go weak. When we are not in integrity with what is true to us, our muscles slightly weaken. This got me wondering, what else weakens in the body when we lie to ourselves?
Many of us, especially Sensitive Beings, have difficulty saying no, because we don’t want to upset the other person. We don’t want them disappointed, or angry at us, and we are afraid of being left with the pang of guilt. We feel emotions so deeply, and we can even feel the other person’s emotions. It just feels easier in the moment, to say yes when we mean no.
But there is an even bigger issue with this. We become overwhelmed and burnt-out. It leads to feelings of resentment on our side. And resentment builds. There’s that well-known saying ‘holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies’.
Of all the uncomfortable emotions, resentment seems to be a fast-track to physical disease. I was so intrigued when I read Dr Gabor Mate say: ‘If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.’
In his patients, he saw that the effects of resentment on health were the worst.
He goes on to say that even though guilt is an uncomfortable emotion, we can use it as a catalyst for growth (when it comes from setting healthy boundaries). But resentment is ‘soul suicide’.
The question to ask ourselves is: Do I say yes to keep them happy, whilst personally committing soul suicide? Or do I say no, honour my soul, but feel some guilt, and perhaps sense some disappointment from them?
He recommends learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Honouring your needs, and being accountable for yourself.
Dr Nicole LePera, a huge pioneer of the self healing movement, speaks a lot about re-gaining self-trust by listening and honouring our needs, and setting healthy boundaries. Every time we ignore our needs, we break our own trust.
Breaking our own trust, is incredibly painful. In fact, I didn’t know how painful it was until I started to heal, and earn back my trust. I’d spent my whole entire life putting others needs before mine, and betraying myself. I had lost that connection to my inner self. Shamanic traditions call this ‘soul loss’ and it is by far the deepest form of grief there is. It can lead to feelings of depression, as well as physical symptoms like chronic fatigue. I personally feel this is a huge contributing factor to thyroid issues.
But every time we honour our needs, we earn our own trust. We become less anxious, less depressed, and less fatigued. We trust ourselves to make better life decisions. We begin to live happier lives. We regain our energy. It helps us to heal.
She even goes on to say that when we say yes when we mean no because we are afraid of the other person’s reaction, we are actually being manipulative. We are manipulating their behaviour towards us. This puts us out of integrity which drains our energy.
We can still be kind and say no. Being honest, and saying no (when we genuinely want to), is the kindest thing to do. And this keeps us in integrity, and protects our energy.
As long as our honesty is coming from good intentions and we are compassionate, it is the best policy.
We all have the right to choose, and we all have a right to say no.
It takes practice to honour our needs if we have spent so much of our lives doing the opposite. It can feel scary and unfamiliar. But I promise you it’ll be worth it.
Be patient with yourself and take your time. It’s still a continuous practice for me. If you fall off the track, give yourself grace, and try again next time you get the opportunity.
Much love, Dani
Ps. I’d love to hear from you! Can you relate to saying yes when you mean no? [Hit reply to this email, or leave a comment over on Substack]